pain

love is about accepting and supporting each other, yet the more I try, the more I suck at it. Am I the cause of all this pain? Your lips say no, but your actions seem to disagree with your words. Words of affection have become less, I know it's unconscious, a result of my doing? Had my demands caused the demise of our love?

As I watch you pace about outside, not saying one more words, I asked God to give you wisdom, but instead, I was given more patience. As I asked you what was hindering you, I got an angry reply that the promise to me will be fulfilled, tomorrow, this week, next week, you will do it. You seemed deaf to my questions, all I wanted was to share your burden - maybe I have asked too much. Had my tone sounded harsh? I didn't feel so, but who can be my witness? Even your attempt to calm me down sounded like an attempt to hush me so you can leave.

The days have become like clockwork, hour into hour, weekend followed by weekend... the more time we spend, the less love is spoken.

Perhaps all this was what caused your frequent tiredness. It happens to me, stress makes me want to escape under the sheet and sleep, hoping to find new inspiration and energy to face the new day, but more often simply to run away from what is upsetting me now.

Yet I wait, minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day... By asking for my ideals, have I also invited my misery?Like a moth to a flame, I throw myself at those who will never treat me like a princess, never will I be a princess again..... ever Like a flower waiting for its season, but maybe the season is gone, and now what is left is only winter, the beautiful first snowfall but following it, coldness, death and darkness. 

God. take me away... I pray... if this cannot go away, then take me away....